It's Time I Talk About Chris Heuertz

I have waited for years to tell my story. Now is the time. 1/2

My friend Nikole called me on FaceTime. I was usually happy to talk to her and hear about the joys and pains of her international nonprofit work, but today she had a concerned look on her face. "Are you ok? Have you read it? The thirty three women?" she asked. "Read what?" I replied, bustling around the kitchen, making a snack for the kids and tidying up the other messes as best I could. Nikole texted me the link to the Medium article. Let's talk about Chris Heuertz. My body froze. She waited on the phone with me as I read words like "abuse," "shame," and "sexually predatory behavior toward young women of color" that hit me in the gut, and my entire body flushed red hot.

The Medium article described Chris' formula for luring young women of color through a charismatic spell. Chris gave each woman time and attention, treating her to trips, expensive meals, and thoughtful gifts. He told each woman how special she was with flattery and compliments. After establishing a trusting bond, he found ways to work more closely with her until a boundary was crossed or until he grew frustrated with her. The woman then became a victim, fading away in silence and isolation, confused as to what happened to her or what she did to make him throw her away. She would try to make sense of this loss for many days and years afterwards.

I remember my knees buckling as I burst into tears with Nikole patiently staying with me on FaceTime, an even more concerned look on her face. I remember saying, “I thought I was going to take this information to the grave. Who are these people?” I remember being glad that the kids were in the middle of their afternoon screen time with headphones on, gaming away happily in the living room while their mother was actively melting down in the kitchen just steps from them. I did not know any of the 33 article writers, but I felt like they exposed my deepest secrets to the world. Memories flooded my mind in an instant, mixed with a sense of relief that the truth had come out, mixed with extreme disgust that this many people were harmed. "Are you going to say anything to the public?" Nikole asked. She told me that if I did, I needed to be clear on exactly what I wanted by telling my story.

I alerted all my close friends and they took action, buying me some time to sit with my shock and tears. They went on social media to promote the article and personally attest to its credibility without revealing how they knew it was true. They squared off like champs against Heuertz's high-ranking friends and defenders in the social media public square. My husband, activated with anger when I told him after he got home from work, co-signed the article along with the writers, many of them Chris’ former employees, friends, board members, and witnesses.

The writers of the Medium article could only speak about his behavior up until 2012 when he left his position at Word Made Flesh suddenly and mysteriously. Five years later, in 2017, he wrote a book, The Sacred Enneagram, effectively launching him into Evangelical and mainstream recognition as an Enneagram spiritual guide. Suspecting that his predatory ways had only grown, the 33 wrote the Medium post in 2020 as an open letter to alert Brene Brown, who just endorsed his latest book The Enneagram of Belonging. As a result, Brene Brown pulled her endorsement, erased her podcast interview with him, and wrote about believing the writers of the article on her website (the blog post has since been taken down). Chris' publisher Zondervan, an imprint of HarperCollins, stopped promoting his book. His podcast Enneagram Mapmakers, recorded with notable mystic Richard Rohr’s Center for Action and Contemplation, was paused and taken down. A group of notable Enneagram teachers, including Ross Hudson and Katherine Chernick Fauvre, sided with the writers of the article. This seemed like an effective de-platforming, at least for a nominal Christian celebrity.

But Chris responded. On his personal website, he noted that his shortcomings were well-known in his community of accountability partners, including his wife Phileena and his closest friends. His apology consisted of an acknowledgement that he hurt his past employees, and he showed remorse. He also acknowledged that he had a past history of crossing boundaries with women, with nothing physical except for one moment, an "extended embrace," in 2012. After that incident, he stepped down from Word Made Flesh, worked on repairing himself and his relationship with Phileena, and gained invaluable tools that helped him transform and inform his work with Gravity, the new contemplative activism organization he co-founded with Phileena. He was deeply committed to accountability and transparency, and remained open to fixing his past harms. An article in Religion News Service reported that a third party investigation revealed no evidence for the writers’ claims, with no further evidence of anything happening past 2012 at Gravity or anywhere else.

After he posted his apology, many of Chris’ loyal followers and friends called for forgiveness and reconciliation by the seemingly disgruntled ex-employees. This seemed rational. Wasn't everyone worthy of grace? All that happened in 2012 was an “extended embrace” by two consenting adults, and he had done the hard work of healing from that. The ex-employees just didn't know how far he had come since leaving Word Made Flesh, didn't know how many marginalized women of color he helped, and the ex-employees did not have any evidence to the contrary beyond a suspicion based on his unreformed past. The board of Gravity put their full weight behind him, releasing the results of the third party findings, which Chris attached as an addendum to the apology on his website. 

Except none of what Chris, Gravity, or his defenders said was true. I knew exactly what happened in 2012, because what happened in 2012 was me. And I knew that his behavior did not stop after me, either.

In Part II, I will tell you what happened between me and Chris Heuertz.